Wednesday, April 23, 2008

bicoastal before it was even cool

well kids. . . this is my official final post to a festering case of the forks.

whoa!

stop freaking out!

it's not that i'm giving up blogging all together. . . i'm just moving my blog somewhere new, giving it a fancy fresh title, and focusing on an actual semi-theme (or so i hope).

why the change? i like change. i think change is good for one's constitution and one's ability to master the arts of flexibility and making do. in this particular case, my entire life is changing right now, and i want my blog to reflect the transition. i also want it to be harder for my new employer to find me online, as there are stories (true stories) about the company firing employees over personal blog content completely unrelated to the business. yikes!

i've had a good 8 year stint in california, and now i'm finally ready to leave. i realized, however, that many of you don't even know how i ended up here in the first place. most of you know i'm a native east coaster, but i rarely talk about how i came to be a california girl.

like most of the transplants i know, i came to california in hot pursuit of...well...a californian. after graduating from university i did trail work for a few months in vermont and then headed to the bay area to live with one of my sets of parents for a while while i looked for a job. the boy i was obsessed with was an orange county boy (why, oh why, did this not set off an alarm in my head), so i began to look for any job i could find in socal. i ended up getting hired to work as an outdoor education instructor in julian, ca (apple pie country), and on the drive down, i made arrangements to see this boy. it should be noted, that i hadn't seen him in 5 years, and he was likely very confused as to why i notified him that i would be swinging by his house (his parents' house).

i saw him, hugged him, and immediately wondered what the hell had happened to him. 4 years at stanford had apparently transformed the awkward and brooding little punk-ass skate rat into a vapid and uninteresting investment banker. ack! on the plus side, he fed me my first cherimoya...straight off of a tree. delish.i spent a few months in julian, a few years in san diego and la jolla, and then hit a point where i was unilaterally frustrated with every aspect of my life: i was bankrupt, my boss was an evil cheapskate micromanager, i was having roommate problems, and i found out that my boyfriend had voted for george w. bush. i packed up my suv and hit the road for vermont. six months later i decided that vermont wasn't working out for me, so i packed up again and headed back. i found myself once again in the bay area, and stumbled into a job that kept me housed and fed and at least mildly intellectually stimulated.

after i grew tired of my job (which never takes me very long), i looked into grad schools with environmental management programs. i applied to duke and ucsb and got into both. i was hell-bent on duke until i visited both schools. once again, i was apparently not ready to trade the west coast for the east coast. at ucsb i was wined and dined on a terrace overlooking the ocean. samosas, vegetarian sushi, cheeses from around the world, a chocolate fountain, and organic wine were just some of the many tasty treats at my disposal. at duke i found myself face to face with an all-night pig roast, some macaroni salad, and about 13 kegs of beer. an actual pig? on a stick? being roasted by shirtless former frat boys trying to one-up each other's manliness? meh, not so much.

the whole time i was in grad school i told everyone who would listen that i was moving back east lickity split after graduation. easier said than done apparently, as almost a year later i'm still here. fortunately, things finally fell into place.

first of all, i have an awesome non-environmental job lined up in boston (and i actually turned down a great environmental job in el segundo because at this point i feel confident that i'm for cereal ready to leave the state).

second of all, at long last, i'll be close to my east coast family again. my littlest sister is going to start university about 1.5 hours outside of boston in the fall, and my other little sister is still in vermont, and will likely end up staying somewhere in the mid-atlantics or new england for the next few years.

third of all, there are a bizillion other awesome things in the works, but y'all don't really have the security clearance to know about them. trust me though...life is good.

i plan on being in boston by june, and i welcome any and all advice from people who live there or who HAVE lived there. i'll be working in the back bay, and i'm trying to figure out (1) where to look for a 1 bedroom apartment, (2) who to hang out with once i get there, and (3) where i should go to find a good vegetarian burrito.

if you want my new blog address, you're going to have to shoot me an e-mail and ask me for it. i'm not posting the URL here, because that would defeat one of my main purposes for getting a new blog, which is making sure it's tricky to find.

one more thing. a note to all of my most fabulous and fagulous san francisco friends: i'll miss you dearly, so start saving up those frequent flier miles and plan on visiting me and my rockstar ass just as often as you can.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

a must have for every fork loving alcoholic

it's only $13.95, i'm not buying it for myself, and i will be needing some housewarming gifts when i move to boston. just saying. get it here.

big thanks to my former northwestern dorm mate and san diego roommate, miss s. acidophilus for always sending me fabulous links to things like this.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

and now...start marching.

taking chewing on your pen caps to the next level

i think i tumbled about these pen-forks, but just to re-iterate...(1) they're amazing (2) i want a set. i'm not going to buy any pen-forks for myself, which means if YOU want to buy some for me for my birthday or christmas then you've got the green light from me. hint to my sisters: they're cheap and i will LOVE them. just saying.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

einstein is so jealous right now

someone sent me an advance copy of mariah's new album (e=mc2) today.do i feel like the luckiest girl in the world, or what? this might be the best day of my entire life. just saying. I LOVE MARIAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

don't be scared if i'm a bit slow to answer e-mails for the next few days...i'll be busy having an r&b dance party with myself.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

lucky stores (yes, yes they are)

let me be honest. i have always loved the kind of grocery store employees who are capable enough to do their work, but special needs enough to say whatever the hell they feel like saying. today while i was picking up spring roll ingredients at lucky (and ice cream. shut up.), i ran across that exact type of gem.

employee: hi, how are you today?
bliss: i'm going alright i suppose, how 'bout yourself? (expecting, "fine, thanks," and nothing more)
employee: [long pause] hmmph. don't get me wrong, i love the customers here, you guys are the reason that i have this job, but as for my bagging colleagues, they're completely idiotic. COMPLETELY IDIOTIC.
bliss: oh man, i hear ya on that one.
employee: they just have their heads up their asses, and i mean COMPLETELY UP THEIR ASSES.
bliss: oh, sorry. that must suck for you.
employee: tell me about it. goddamn idiots.

did i mention that a store manager was on the other side of the freezer aisle from us, inconspicuously listening in, and looking slightly horrified? i think the only thing that stopped his heart attack was the fact that i was engaged and playing along. when special needs people refer to other people as idiotic it brings a certain kind-of joy to my heart. not that i'm calling special needs people idiots or anything, because i'm certainly not. crap. am i digging myself into a hole here? i think i'm going to stop. ugh.

next post: i show you my easter pics and tell you all about my new life as a wanna-be pole kitten. rawr.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

come on baby, cover me

i have long been on the quest for the perfect cover song, but along the way, i've stumbled upon many that i feared might make my ears bleed out and fall off.

covering a song well is an art form, and there are rules that dictate the craft.

1. never cover a song that can not possibly be improved upon. when this rule is broken, the effects are disastrous. see:
  • madonna's cover of american pie (or the brady bunch's cover of it for that matter)
  • sheryl crowe's cover of sweet child o' mine
  • olivia newton john's cover of ring of fire
  • all saints cover of under the bridge (far beyond painful)
  • celine dion's cover of you shook me all night long (you truly have to WATCH this one to appreciate the pain)


(no idea re: the identity of the drag queen singing with celine. given that she's in vegas, it's probably the the hotel manager or something.)

2. don't just speed up the song and make it punk or add a banjo and call it country. for true cover song pwnage

CHANGE the song. give the song a completely new meaning. see:
  • hem's cover of jackson
  • nina gordon's cover of straight outta compton
  • johnny cash's version of hurt (a cover so powerful that it caused trent reznor to claim, "that song isn't mine anymore"
3. don't be afraid to cover your own song if you think you can add to its awesomeness. bonnie prince billy did an entire album covering his own songs (although to be clear, he was technically covering the songs of palace). although to be more clear, palace = palace brothers = will olham = bonnie prince billy. see also:
  • eric clapton's cover of layla (i know a lot of people vehemently HATE this version bc the original is so rawk, but i think both are muy fabuloso)
4. if you cover a song the right way, no one will ever remember that someone else did it first. see:
  • pasty cline's cover of crazy
  • whitney's cover of i will always love you
  • mariah's cover of bringing on the heartache (i know this is a stretch, but i am a huge mariah fan, and this is my blog, so i'm allowed to make whatever the hell kind of claim i want.)
i'm in a hurry to get to a BBQ, so i'm through with my little rule list for the time being. i might tack on one or two later if the mood strikes.

i went ahead and did you a little favor. i compiled my 12 all-time favorite cover songs (excluding songs that are beyond classic like hendrix's version of all along the watchtower, cyndi lauper's take on IKO IKO with a paul reubens cameo at the end, and guns n roses' rendition of live and let die). click HERE for my mix. if you have any suggestions for swap outs, i will consider them.

don't even think of suggesting michael jackson's cover of come together. i hate it.

also, you should know that as soon as i master my banjo i plan on starting some sort of a willie nelson tribute band. it's going to be bluegrass meets indie rock meets flight of the conchords. if you have any musical talent and you live in the cincy or boston area then you're welcome to join me. i need everything except a banjo player.update: okay. i went ahead and finally watched/listened to the def leppard version of bringing on the heartache. i feel compelled to admit that the original version is, in fact, better than mariah's cover. DAMMIT. i hate it when that happens. i know my two younger sisters won't believe me when i say that something could be better than mariah, so be your own judge:



those flag shorty-shorts on the drummer alone...sigh...

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

this is how i mux

teh hottest thing on the 2.0 scene this week appears to be muxtapes. never one to shy away from the latest trend, i made a wicked spectacular one for all of you. to listen, just click on the magical cassette tape you see above, and away you goooooooooooooooooooo.
if you, too, have a muxtape you'd like to share, give me the link in the comments. i love new music almost as much as i love teacup pigs and forks.