come on baby, cover me

i have long been on the quest for the perfect cover song, but along the way, i've stumbled upon many that i feared might make my ears bleed out and fall off.

covering a song well is an art form, and there are rules that dictate the craft.

1. never cover a song that can not possibly be improved upon. when this rule is broken, the effects are disastrous. see:

• madonna's cover of american pie (or the brady bunch's cover of it for that matter)
  
• sheryl crowe's cover of sweet child o' mine
• olivia newton john's cover of ring of fire
• all saints cover of under the bridge (far beyond painful)
  
• celine dion's cover of you shook me all night long (you truly have to WATCH this one to appreciate the pain)

(no idea re: the identity of the drag queen singing with celine. given that she's in vegas, it's probably the the hotel manager or something.)

2. don't just speed up the song and make it punk or add a banjo and call it country. for true cover song pwnage

CHANGE the song. give the song a completely new meaning. see:

• hem's cover of jackson
• nina gordon's cover of straight outta compton
• johnny cash's version of hurt (a cover so powerful that it caused trent reznor to claim, "that song isn't mine anymore"
  

3. don't be afraid to cover your own song if you think you can add to its awesomeness. bonnie prince billy did an entire album covering his own songs (although to be clear, he was technically covering the songs of palace). although to be more clear, palace = palace brothers = will olham = bonnie prince billy. see also:

• eric clapton's cover of layla (i know a lot of people vehemently HATE this version bc the original is so rawk, but i think both are muy fabuloso)
  

4. if you cover a song the right way, no one will ever remember that someone else did it first. see:

• pasty cline's cover of crazy
• whitney's cover of i will always love you
• mariah's cover of bringing on the heartache (i know this is a stretch, but i am a huge mariah fan, and this is my blog, so i'm allowed to make whatever the hell kind of claim i want.)
  

i'm in a hurry to get to a BBQ, so i'm through with my little rule list for the time being. i might tack on one or two later if the mood strikes.

i went ahead and did you a little favor. i compiled my 12 all-time favorite cover songs (excluding songs that are beyond classic like hendrix's version of all along the watchtower, cyndi lauper's take on IKO IKO with a paul reubens cameo at the end, and guns n roses' rendition of live and let die). click HERE for my mix. if you have any suggestions for swap outs, i will consider them.

don't even think of suggesting michael jackson's cover of come together. i hate it.

also, you should know that as soon as i master my banjo i plan on starting some sort of a willie nelson tribute band. it's going to be bluegrass meets indie rock meets flight of the conchords. if you have any musical talent and you live in the cincy or boston area then you're welcome to join me. i need everything except a banjo player.update: okay. i went ahead and finally watched/listened to the def leppard version of bringing on the heartache. i feel compelled to admit that the original version is, in fact, better than mariah's cover. DAMMIT. i hate it when that happens. i know my two younger sisters won't believe me when i say that something could be better than mariah, so be your own judge:



those flag shorty-shorts on the drummer alone...sigh...