vomit under the couch

valentine's day...does it suck? is it rawksome? i don't actually give a rat's ass about the holiday. my mother once married a shitbag compulsive liar on valentine's day (i hope you're reading this, you sociopathic and manipulative creeper), and valentine's day always reminds me of him. alas, it's not quite my favorite day of the year. but that's just me. . . maybe you should listen to less jaded people:

here's what zefrank has to say about the holiday.

joey comeau, of a softer world, has these words of love wisdom buried in one of his awesome cover letters: "In the end it never works out. You are who you are, no matter what you pretend at the beginning. So I'm not pretending. I drink to ignore my problems. I spend more time with my computer than with my friends. I don't have a very good relationship with women. I am angry and lonely, but I can wash dishes just fine. I'm being honest. Please don't be an asshole about this."

joey also concocts valentine gems like this (click to enlarge):okay, so i don't think he actually meant that to be a valentine or anything, but nothing says "love" to me like an empty bottle of gray goose, a half-naked boy whose name i can't remember, and vomit running down the front of my dress. hot damn! (note to any and all family members who are reading this: i am KIDDING. mom, seriously, i'm totally kidding, and i don't need a lecture on taking care of myself and acting like a responsible adult). joey is from halifax, nova scotia and likes making out with boys. translation? HELLOOOOO, LOVERRRRR!

to round this pre-valentine's day post out (and to help you get laid), here's my all-time favorite pick-up line courtesy of the onion:

we should go back to my place and do some math. we'll add a bed, subtract our clothes, and do other math stuff related to fucking.

one more thing. if you love me and you are rich, please buy my this squid jogger (pictured below) because i want it wicked bad, but i think it might be obscene for me to spend $100 on a hoodie that (1) doesn't even have a hood (2) is made from an american apparel garment (and i do not like to buy things from american apparel because their ceo is a sleazepocket who goes to work in his manties and thinks it's appropriate to sleep with all of his subordinates.on february 14th i will be announcing who my 2008 valentine is (and who i think yours should be). stay posted.